Journal of the Spirit

My girlfriend which i now consider my Wife, not by any papers drawn, but by the witness of God. Told me some news of her Niece passing on from an overdose, from what she was told.

A short Scenario of what happened of Dianes Death, Diane had went to her cousin Luciles house, to spend the night. According to Lucile's story this is what happened:

Diane spent the night over Luciles house. They were up until quite late, they went to sleep at around 1am. Lucile said diane was okay around 3 am and heard Diane go into the Bathroom. Lucile woke up at 8 am and went into the Livingroom, tried to wake Diane up, becuase she had to be somewhere. Diane was unresponsive. Lucile tried to wake Diane once again at around 11 am, and got no response. Then she called one of her family members which Diane was suppose to meet. On the phone Lucile said to Pat, im bringing her over to you, and that she is unresponsive. Lucile finally arrived with Diane around 1 pm. The drive is about 5 miles from Luciles house to Pats. Upon her Arrival to Pats house dianes Lips were Blue & Breathing was extremely shallow. They called 911 and asked for first responders and an ambulance. When they arrived, they did what they could for Diane, and then put her in the ambulance and took her to the hospital. She passed away during the ride.


A few days later i had this This Experience which i Recorded in a Note Book on October 7, 2010 for further reference.

I had never met Diane, and my wife mentioned her a few times, but other than this, we were never close, but this night i felt closer to her than i have any person in my life.

Today in prayer i contacted Diane whom had passed on a few days ago. I told her I Loved Her, and she was my sister. She entered my body, my limbs grew tight. She wanted to show me how she had died. Still in prayer on my knees, kneeling before my bed, my head down, i began drooling and choking, as she had went through. I felt tremendous sadness at this point, i wanted to cry. She began speaking through me, and said in a very Frightened Voice, "I didn't do it" - "I didn't do it" I called my Wife on the phone, and told her Diane was here with me, and i explained what Diane had shown me about her death. Helen had some questions to confirm this was Diane with me, so i put Helen on speaker phone. The questions she asked to Diane were.

Who is your fathers name? Through me Diane answered "Rob"

This was in Fact her fathers name.

How many Children do you have?

I was getting 2 numbers, 1 of the numbers came from Diane & the Other was coming from my own mind i think. Those numbers were 1 & 2 at this point im not sure which number Diane Gave me or which was my own mind making one up.

She in Fact has 1 Child.

What color hair did the woman have that was with you? Through me Diane answered "Blonde"

The woman that was with Diane does in fact have Blonde Hair

How many pills did you take? Through me i was getting 3 or 30 but Diane kept saying 3 maybe my mind was getting in the way once again.

We do not know the correct dose in her system. as they did not do an autopsy and she was being cremated the next day.

Do you want to be Cremated? Diane spoke through me loudly "No"

Diane felt that family should be able to View the person that has passed on, so that they could say their good byes.

This is the first time, that i have had an experience this profoundly, where i actually felt a person who has passed on enter my body & speak through me. Days after, i have felt drained, and am still out of sorts a bit. But i do Hope that i was able to help Diane find some closure.

Many Blessings

Its been a while since i attempted to Project, tonight will be an experiment for myself to see where i'm at and how much practice i actually need to reach the Body - Mind Split. I'll keep this thread updated.

Many Blessings

First attempt went really well, i actually got to a really relaxed state, but did not get into the Astral. With practice i know it will happen.

Many Blessings

A friend once told me that there are three things that can hold a person back, worry, doubt, fear i struggle with all of these. I have two choices that i can see either be like everyone else or be me. One thing i am missing in my life, is that loving close relationship with a woman, i have been with my wife Wind-Dancer (not by papers) for 7 - 8 years but we have been thousands of miles apart for 7 of those years i love her i do and i know she loves me. But long distance doesn't seem to be enough. I have absolutely nothing to offer money wise and i know thats the last thing on her mind, but i know i will never have an income. My soul is quite influenced by all the harmful things in the world, so i choose to live a life of seclusion. I have turned to God, Angels... for wisdom and help to understand things in the world a little more clearly. Much of what i have learned is through every person i have met but i still have so many questions that i need answers too. I've come to accept that the close relationship i desire is not in my cards for this lifetime. I have tried many times in doing so, and i seem to scare women away. My thinking is not of this world or time. My path has become much clearer and i shall focus more on what i need to do to find a better understanding of the physical earth we all live on. I know the questions i have will be answered, with thought, openness and intuition all my questions will be answered. I always remember that one quote and it has stuck with me from the first time i heard it. Ask and you shall receive.

Many Blessings

Spirit-being you can also add debts, although that does come under the heading of worry. With debts you are governed by them, you cant enjoy the life that you should be out there enjoying, and that is so frustrating as we have such a short life. Although there are other ways to enjoying life in a free capacity, such as walking in the countryside, listening and watching the birds and wildlife. All this is out there in abundance.

Just a couple of afterthoughts, you can also be with someone, yet still feel isolated, lonely or reclused.
And love with someone, is far more important than wealth.

"The path is part of the experience." When the experience of the path is no longer desired, we then begin to explore another path.

I have come to this realization in myself that i have an addictive personality. Anything pleasurable or anything that feels good inside i tend to like obsessively. Saw a show on television last night called bad sex, the man on the show was addicted to love and fell in love instantly with woman. This is me dead on, it is a huge wake up call me for, yes Love feels wonderful but wanting it from all women i meet, is just a little insane. It begins to create some form of jelousy and anger within me.

It has shown me why i am where i am in my relationship with my wife. I am just grateful that i can see this now as i have been stubborn & blind to all the help that was given to me. I felt this ever since i stopped (drinking, drugging, smoking) I may have removed those things from my life, but got attached to other things in an obsessive way, that it began to kill me slowly.

There was something i saw on a womans page on facebook, that at first i didn't quite understand or even liked, because it didn't make much sense to me at the time. I think it said something like

~ I am at peace with my imperfections ~

I am beginning to understand this more clearly. No one is perfect, not even prideful me and believe me at times i was portraying just that. I have come to some understanding of why, i have this question about why women wear makeup.

Ever since i was young i put women up on a pedestal, there beauty with all the makeup made it very dificult to see beyond that. I always thought women were perfect and this infected my teen years, where i had low self esteem issues within me, so my relationships never actually worked out because once i began to see flaws in girlfriends or women i would walk away. I want to blame our culture for this but i cannot i have to look within myself and understand why i put women on pedestals.

In the show there was a woman who dated men that would tell her she was perfect in ever way.
She began to feel this immense pressure within her to continue to be as perfect as she can which created insecurities and self esteem issues within her. I also want to blame the makeup that women wear to my own cause of insecurities but again i cannot. I have to look within myself and find out why these low self esteem issues and addictions surfaced and what are the deeper underlying issues.

Many Blessings

This is very difficult for me to post, as i am ashamed that i did not see this sooner. Today i came to realize that i have been quite envious of others in their relationships, i would see a picture posted on facebook of a woman and a man together enjoying the bond and closeness of their relationship, also i would read people communicating in playful loving ways, and found that envy would arise, directly after that i would become Jelous, and finally Angry. These emotions arose within me because this is what i want in life. But i am grateful that i am able to see this now, at least i can observe and work on what i failed to see for so long. My counselor said work on being in the now, i have heard this so many times posted here, and other places but failed to listen. I guess the block that was keeping me from seeing the truth had to be seen, before i could actually listen to advice given. Now i could begin to understand me better.

Many Blessings

Just a moment ago i felt Pride rise within me, i have a very difficult time when i discover that these emotions are coming to the surface. And now that i can recognize them it hurts badly, because i need to learn to control these emotions so i don't make poor decisions. What caused this is i am having a difficult time receiving help from my friends on facebook. I feel that what i am writing here will teach some, but im finding this need for others to tell me they learned something from my words or posts and i am not getting this, which makes it difficult for me to receive help. I know this is my Pride once again wanting satisfaction. Pride is vicious it directly turned into Anger. There is much for me to discover within my thinking and my mind.


Many Blessings

Just reread my post above as i have been bringing posts that i write out there over to here. I am writing these things so others will understand where i am at this moment. It seems i have been living in the darkness and the cold for a long time, now i just want to awaken and feel the warmth & light.

Many Blessings

I remember back when I was thirty-six and grappling with the same things that you are grappling with . My mind was like the Hydra monster, every time I cut off one head two more heads grew in the first head's place. The deeper that I delved in to my personality programing the more complicated things got. My mind begin to play a game with me and my mind was really slick at playing that game. Eventually I did win the game, but with all things said and done, it was a merry chase.

You are not alone in your thinking Spirit-being. I too want what others have got, re: relationships. I record a regular tv programme whereby couples are looking to move to a new country property, and I particularly watch the older retired couples that have raised there families and now looking to follow new hobbies, together. And I so much want to be living there lives. So many look so happy, and relaxed in each others company, and have respect for each other. As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side, yet I would willingly swap my side for a share of there's, and some love and happiness.

What I am learning from your words, are that we are miles apart, country and age, yet by putting pen to paper, unites others, apart from ourselves, to a similar situation, that can be worked on.

Vanilla2 wrote:You are not alone in your thinking Spirit-being. I too want what others have got, re: relationships. I record a regular tv programme whereby couples are looking to move to a new country property, and I particularly watch the older retired couples that have raised there families and now looking to follow new hobbies, together. And I so much want to be living there lives. So many look so happy, and relaxed in each others company, and have respect for each other. As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side, yet I would willingly swap my side for a share of there's, and some love and happiness.

What I am learning from your words, are that we are miles apart, country and age, yet by putting pen to paper, unites others, apart from ourselves, to a similar situation, that can be worked on.

sunmystic wrote:I remember back when I was thirty-six and grappling with the same things that you are grappling with Smile . My mind was like the Hydra monster, every time I cut off one head two more heads grew in the first head's place. The deeper that I delved in to my personality programing the more complicated things got. My mind begin to play a game with me and my mind was really slick at playing that game. Eventually I did win the game, but with all things said and done, it was a merry chase.

Yeah i am going through just that the hydra monster doesn't seem to want to quit. Sometimes it seems that progress is at a stand still. But i won't quit i too want to be able to win the game. Thanks for sharing this it was a big help, its always nice to hear other peoples experiences as it helps me to understand whats going on inside me.

Many Blessings

Vanilla2 wrote:You are not alone in your thinking Spirit-being. I too want what others have got, re: relationships. I record a regular tv programme whereby couples are looking to move to a new country property, and I particularly watch the older retired couples that have raised there families and now looking to follow new hobbies, together. And I so much want to be living there lives. So many look so happy, and relaxed in each others company, and have respect for each other. As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side, yet I would willingly swap my side for a share of there's, and some love and happiness.

What I am learning from your words, are that we are miles apart, country and age, yet by putting pen to paper, unites others, apart from ourselves, to a similar situation, that can be worked on.

One thing i have been lacking in is empathy towards others and good social skills, probably why i haven't been posting much in the past years. I didn't know how to reply to things or i just forgot for a while. Im sure i will be rusty for a while please understand if i say something that offends anyone or i mislead anyone, thats the last thing i want to do. But i am working hard to overcome these obstacles. I do understand what you are going through Vanilla, it hurts sometimes when i see people actually enjoying each others company, i want to be happy for them, but its so hard as i do not have that connection right now with that other person as they do. But im learning to tame the emotions that run wild. I'm tired of them controlling how i think. thank god for being able to connect here and on facebook and im sure other places that people go to... unity is very important we learn and grow together and it feels quite good to have wonderful friends.

Many Blessings

This morning i awoke and found myself very clear minded, i am coming to terms with my emotions and working hard to understand them. Once i recognize a Negative Emotion, i will tell it "i don't believe you" and then that emotion has no power for that time. Doubt tried to creep in this morning, it tried to convince me that i was moving backwards rather than forward, but again i told it "i don't believe you" of course a new Negative emotion will arise and the same thing must be done. After a while these emotions will have less and less power, helping you to express the more positive ones, like Compassion, Love, Joy..... Working on yourself is such a great tool, its not easy but its very rewarding. Hope i can share some of my knowledge as i go through this. I want to help others out there that deal with the same things. the mind will become very tricky and play games but as you become more aware, you will eventually win the game of the mind.

Have a great day : )

Spirit-Being wrote:This morning i awoke and found myself very clear minded, i am coming to terms with my emotions and working hard to understand them. Once i recognize a Negative Emotion, i will tell it "i don't believe you" and then that emotion has no power for that time. Doubt tried to creep in this morning, it tried to convince me that i was moving backwards rather than forward, but again i told it "i don't believe you" of course a new Negative emotion will arise and the same thing must be done. After a while these emotions will have less and less power, helping you to express the more positive ones, like Compassion, Love, Joy..... Working on yourself is such a great tool, its not easy but its very rewarding. Hope i can share some of my knowledge as i go through this. I want to help others out there that deal with the same things. the mind will become very tricky and play games but as you become more aware, you will eventually win the game of the mind.

Have a great day : )

You are now consciously reprogramming your subconscious mind . Over time your subconscious mind will become a part of the new Spirit-Being team.

I didn't actually win the game I cheated. I just went in and reprogrammed the part that was the mess.

Today i am feeling quite sad, this emotion seems to hurt bad at deep levels. Maybe sadness helps release pain inside, i do know that i am feeling some sort of pain and i do feel like crying and im sure i will. Tears are cleansing, never be afraid to cry this is a natural thing we all go through. I have this sensation inside my chest that seems to hurt and ache. Well i will work through this and observe where the pain stems from. I can't think of much more to write as the ache is pretty darn strong.

My feelings are very mixed today, i am sad then im happy, then sad again. I feel im not being as honest as i should be, this is what im working on daily. Love is very hard for me to understand as theres so many emotions and feelings that come to the surface. Last week i began getting butterflies in my stomach as i started having feelings toward someone, i started getting excited and having feelings of Joy, those butterflies reached me deep in the pit of my stomach the sensation felt like a tickle which im sure many can relate to. It's exhilirating and i crave more it's like a natural drug, but there has to be a way to keep that feeling alive in lifelong relationships. That is my quest i will discover how and why i love this feeling so much. I can look at it this way if it's this feeling im chasing for the rest of my life, then i will find a way to bring this forward in a lifelong relationship.